Friday, January 15, 2010
plain old regular blues
I don't tend to write much here. I don't really feel like I have a lot to say in general. But I find that I genuinely enjoy reading the thoughts and feelings so freely and generously shared by other bloggers (Err. I really hate the term 'blogger'). I'm kind of in the mood to be a little more like that myself today, so....
A lot of people have been mentioning having 'winter blues' lately. I'm kind of feeling that today myself, except I don't think it's really a winter thing - more of a 'day off' thing. I tend to really look forward to having free days off, with my options open as to what I choose to do with my time. The problem is, when those days happen, I end up feeling kind of lost and lazy. Today is one of those days. There are too many things I kind of WANT to do, many things I feel that I SHOULD do, nothing I really HAVE to do, and I'm ending up doing nothing at all. This all ends up sending me spiralling downward into feeling bad about myself (I think my biggest self criticism is my lack of discipline). I also, by default, end up on the internet, looking at blogs of people who seem to have perfect productive neat tidy beautiful lives (or 'blog lives' at least - obviously there is more to a life than what ends up on a blog). Sometimes these blog lives are really inspiring and motivating, but sometimes they can contribute to this tendency of mine to just get overwhelmed and avoid trying to make any progress at all.
I wandered in the backyard for a few minutes... took some pictures. It is really bleak out there right now: half melted snow, grey sky, everything looks dead. Sometimes winter can be so incredibly beautiful, but it doesn't seem that way today. Maybe because it is warm and melty and almost feels like Spring is coming but I know it really isn't.
I think I'll take a little walk now. Maybe the fresh air will clear my head and I can get something done when I get back.